What the hell was I doing?

It should be a great day ever since she thanked the e-birthday card I made last year. However, my past destroyed it. It’s really out of my expectation.

Actually, I was surprising when I saw her online this morning. Then, I brought myself to say hi to her without usual hesitation I used to be. At the beginning, everything went smoothly, I was thinking it’s a nice chat I wanted long time ago. When I touched an untouchable topic, however, it was spoiled. In fact, I didn’t mean to invade her privacy. I just wanted to rely it in order to help me to get back from depression. It didn’t occurred to me that it’d become such a big deal. Hm…It really hurt, both of us. In fact, I should know people hate others checked their privacy without permission, specially sensitive Cancer. However, I couldn’t control myself cuz I was deadly missing her. What a dumbest guy in the world.

Now, I don’t know if I could have a chance to talk to her again. It seems rather impossible. Hm…It’s so sad. How come I let opportunity go again and again? Why I messed it up everytime? It really sucks. When will I mature? Huh?!